When I was about to finish college, I was 18 then, i stopped hearing the mass. Why? I just realized one time that doing so does not complete me. I am not happy at all. This is especially true when I assess other people’s intentions in attending mass. Moreover, I have not seen great changes in people who are of perfect attendance. When the mass can’t do something great in their lives, then why should I continue getting along with them? This was my struggle before.
Being part of a generation where people demand for proofs before believing, I myself have been investigative as well. I never knew I have undergone faith crisis. The momentum in such struggle has gone worse when my mom died. I thought, God was never there to bless my life. He didn’t answer my prayers to save my mom from sickness.
Years have gone and I was focused on earthly concerns. Work, family, personal necessities and stuff like that. No time for God, whom I thought has forsaken me. Nonetheless, He still had mercy on me. He has drawn me back to Him even though my life was a complete mess in the midst of individualism and materialism.
Thank God for the life of my workmate/friend Ailene whom God used to evangelize me. I have known God in a deeper perspective. I have loved Him like I have never loved before. He is my life. Indeed, Jesus is not about living.. He is about dying. Denying one’s self is the perfect strategy to achieve completeness.
There is a challenge for each and every person, which is to develop a true and strong relationship with God. However, with logical people who always demand for proof or scientific bases before believing, struggle in faith becomes inevitable. What shall we do to get through this? Remember that, not everything in life requires scientific proof.
Let us start believing without bargaining with God. God is not a business contractor! We must not ask him to do such and such before we believe. Remember that FAITH IS A GIFT from GOD not the other way around. Most of the times indeed, we have a lot of conditions before trusting Him. “God, do these and that and I’ll believe..” If He won’t come across with what we ask for, we’re going to doubt our faith.
When my mom died and when I became so logical with other’s religion, I seemed to doubt my faith. I’ve almost agreed with an atheist friend, who was so rational and intelligent when it comes to analyzing religions. But then I realized that faith is a gift from God, and I should not try hard in figuring out reasons for believing. Even so, I stopped bargaining traps so that I will find the real route to achieving true faith.
And so, I have faith in God that my atheist friend will soon receive the same gift that I have attained.
“I believe in God!” , can you repeat that? Just be open and never shut down. Stop analyzing too much because it will block the process. Back off a bit and never think of your indifference as a loss. Faith and trust in God will come to you.