An article written by my friend, who committed suicide

He is intelligent..
gifted with writing skills..
blessed with ample knowledge..
yet..he didn't survive...
why?

listen to him....

(this is an article written by my friend who just committed suicide a week ago... hope this will influence us positively..)

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this is unedited....

Paunawa: Bato-bato sa langit, ang tamaan, huwag magalit. J

WATCHUKOL “HAY, ‘BUHAY’”

(oo nga naman)

Many times, I thought I’ve been through a lot… but as I went on with my life, I realized that my experiences were, but a grain in the sand.

A few days ago, as I talked to a new -found friend, I again felt the pain and the absurdity of life — why do we always hurt the kind ones? Why is it that the people we love, are often, the ones who hurt us? We trust and we’re betrayed; we care or love, but we’re abused or taken for granted. Well, I don’t really mean that love should be returned with love (as in the case of love triangles), but at least, if not love it self, love should be rewarded with kindness, right?

I really felt sad about this “unfairness.” It is often said that you’ll reap what you sow, but such isn’t always the case. For example, a kind person who always obeys other people’s orders are bombarded with commands ( sabi nga ni Tolits… ako.. lagi na lang ako…). On the other hand, those who don’t take even simple requests, are often, task-exempted. Putting it in a more concrete situation, let’s take as example the division of household chores. Sometimes, it happens that no one wants to take part in household duties (especially in the case of males). There are times, however, when there’s a kind one who always volunteers himself/ herself to do some household tasks, like cooking and washing dishes. The bad thing, however, is that, once that person does a task, he/she is expected to do the rest, like if he/she took charge of cooking, he/she is expected to wash the dishes afterwards. Its an abuse of kindness, isn’t it? Kulang na lang na sabihin sa taong ‘yun na “ Hoy, bait mo naman… ikaw na lang maging katulong namin (at kami ay busy sa aming cell phone).” Now, where comes equality and fairness? In this situation, what do we expect? A harmonious group or social relationship? Never can we expect that because surely, without fairness and/or equality, there will be nothing but bitterness and division within a group or society.

Take advantage of the oppressed and pamper the oppressor. This seems to be the general motto in our society. As in the aforementioned case, kind or meek ones are the object of hurt/ abuse. Why can’t we make it happen the other way around? Lift the oppressed and reprimand/ send the oppressor to jail? Impossible? In this world, maybe. But should individuals change their attitude even a little, there’s nothing impossible when it comes to attaining a happy group or society.

What makes an abusive person/s isn’t the society, but the individual member of the group/ society themselves. The thing is, PEOPLE LOVE TO MAKE HELL OUT OF THEIR OWN LIVES. Consequently, they make hell out of each other. It’s simple: almost every individual wants what is good. But, some do good things, only if it will benefit them, and do bad things, if it will be to their advantage. In short, SELFISHNESS. In a more familiar cliché, “ Ang kay Caesar ay kay Caesar at ang kay Juan … ay kay Caesar pa rin!” True, there are many people who realize this, but the problem is, they “tolerate” it. “Everybody does it, so why wouldn’t I?” Go with the flow, they say. Even if the path leads to hell, they still go. After all, “ hindi ako nag-iisa, marami kami.” Intelligent or moron, almost everyone takes this attitude.

Speaking of intelligence, there are many “intelligent” people in this world. The problem, however, is that most of them are only “ academically-intelligent.” That is, they are good only in school or office works, but when it comes to real life, they are far worse than morons; they are scattered-brain fools! Intelligent fools – the kind who blindly follow the whim of blood-hungry society, even if they know that it will lead to their own destruction. Being “intelligent,” they are usually hailed as leaders. But, instead of leading a just and happy group, they mislead their members or if not, they are led by their members. It makes me ask myself, “ JUST WHAT IS THE USE OF OUR BRAIN IF WE DON’T KNOW HOW TO PROPERLY USE IT? It’s like having a caliber 45 gun that is loaded with mud. Matalino nga sana… pero kahit kahibao (alam) na may hukay sa unahan, nagpahulog pa rin. Nakabangon nga sana, pero nagpahulog pa rin sa parehong hukay! Hay, nakunakunakunaku naman!!!!

There are also some people who know the problem, but, instead of helping those who are in need, they laugh out the problem. For example, in a jeepney, an ugly boy noticed the dirt on the eyes of a beautiful woman. But then, instead of making the woman realize the dirt, the boy tells himself, “maganda nga sana, may muta naman…). Normal response, right? What if the man signaled the girl about the dirt? Isn’t it possible that the girl will be grateful to him… and who knows, because of the boy’s kindness, the girl may become his uyab (girlfriend). Possible? Of course! J Thus, the problem with the individual.

The solution may be simple: DO WHAT YOU KNOW IS RIGHT; PRACTICE WHAT YOU TEACH, DO WHAT YOU PREACH! However, it is in the school where dishonesty starts and in the Church where unfaithfulness takes its roots. What can you say about the teachers who produce “magical” grades (scores that appear out of nowhere or grades that don’t tally, simply because it really wasn’t computed)? If the teacher is dishonest, what more can we expect from the students? Or what about some priests who took their celibacy vows in front of God’s alter, only to break it in front of the people? There’s no excuse in this situation. After all, before a priest enters the seminary, he knows that he won’t be permitted to marry or live with any woman. Katangahan ang pasumpa-sumpa sa harap ng altar at pagkatapos ay sasalungatin mo ang iyong sinumpaan. There’s no excuse for this. Ang sumpa ay sumpa. Sabi nga ng Diyos, “huwag kang basta-bastang susumpa,” di ba? You know the consequences of that vow and, come what may, you must face it. There’s time for everything…. Time will come when priests may be allowed to marry… but not now… for the moment, stick with the rule. If the authorities break the rule, why won’t ordinary people do the same? Am I right, or left? Wrong siguro, pero hindi rin.J

I took those two professions as examples because they are involved in the intellectual and moral foundation of our society. How can dishonest teachers teach good values, or how can infidel priests teach faithfulness? Of course, not all teachers or priests are like those that I’ve mentioned. There are more of them who do all they can to preserve their profession’s pride and dignity, if not their own. However, like what happens to a clean white paper – a splash or two of ink on that paper, will render it as scratch. Agree?

These thoughts, among other things (financial, love prob., etc.), filled me with rage before, to the point that I became rebellious and hopeless. I’ve had enough, I told myself. From being meek, I became fierce and tactless. Me against the world. I looked forward to the creeping of nightfall and hated the dawning of sunrise. All I really wanted to do then was to sleep my damned life, if not to make it end. However, to make things far worst, all I had during those days were long, sleepless nights. Well, I even tried to get myself hit by a truck—I was then walking aimless and absent-minded on the sidewalk Suddenly, as I reached the blind-curve part of the road, I saw a fast-approaching truck heading my direction. As the truck neared, I suddenly crossed the street and I got hit. However, in a unique twist of fate, unseen and trailing just behind the huge truck, was … an ambulance!J I got the message – there’s still hope ( and I got a scar on my scalp to remind me of it).J

Well, at least, thanks to God, I got through it all, somehow… those tormenting days have passed. The raging storm had swept my little, tattered hut… but now I’m slowly rebuilding it with a colorful stone house, built on a beautiful garden lot. (naks)! J

One thing though… what if what happens to you will affect you for the rest of your life? Like what if the one you cared for just left you behind, leaving you nothing but a living memory of the past and a scarred heart? (Like what happened to my friend).

Well, I can’t seem to discern how I will react to this kind of situation. Honestly, its something I don’t want to experience if ever I’ll be in a relationship. Simple emotional hurts are evanescent, but heart-felt pains really sucks!!!! (pardon for the word).J

Surely, though, after break-ups, the injured party would have to face an inevitable dilemma: to take chance with another companion, or succumb to a relationship phobia. At this point, though, I admit that I still have much to go through. Well, I can simply theorize about the chances, but there’s a great difference between thoughts and experience itself. However, as incapable as I am to relate with the aforementioned case, there’s one thing that I am sure of: it takes a strong person to handle an uneventful, broken relationship. I guess its something I still can’t bear. Break-ups; Heartaches; Abuses; I can’t take them. So I salute those who can.J

As on my part, I will really wait and search for the “ONE” that’s meant for me ( if there is). I learn from my mistakes and the mistakes of other people. I don’t care how long my search will take. But I can tolerate the dragging of time, better than heartbreaks or heartaches. It’s possible that I won’t find her, but I don’t care. I don’t recoil from the thought of being an old bachelor – there are many good things I can do being one. Besides, I’m sure that if I find her, I’ll be the happiest man in the world! J Kumbaga, ang kasiyahan, pinaghihirapan. J Just this one thing: “Come what may, quesera sera.; whatever will be, will be, if God is willing.” I just can feel that soon, someday, I and the good ones will be ----- truly happy and free! J

But as for now, I will have to end this sentimental written tirade of mine.[(sa wakas)!J Before I do, however, I would like to say thank you, good day, God bless….Mabuhay ang mga mababait! Mabuhay ang Pinas! (joke)J TODO NA ‘TO!!!! (Pagpasensyahan nyo na lang po ang loko-lokong gago na nagsulat nito). J

lubos na nagmamaktol,

SL