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Keep on searching, until you find me..
This command recurrently runs in my mind even now. I decided to rest my palm on my laptop again and let my heart be controlled by God as I point down the touch pad and type in the letters on the board. I don’t really know what to write down, but God does.
It’s 30 minutes before the clock hits 1am and I don’t feel sleepy at all. I don’t know, I am just into this pursuit to know what God wants me to do. This is not a waste of time at all. I know, His plans are better than mine. His ways are greater than mine.
WHY THROUGH WRITING?
I ask this to Him. His answer? “why not?”
God is so amazing that He has made me a writer. Way back in highschool, I thought I wouldn’t be in our school publication since I had that “English carabao” then. I have taken the qualification exam twice and failed twice as well. Praise God for He has still given me the chance to be the managing editor of our other publication, which is the one using Filipino language as the medium. Apparently, they don’t think that I can be a good English writer then. Too bad haha.
Nonetheless, God was so amazing that He has brought me to a better venue to discover His gifts to me. He has given me the gift in writing though I was not that sure of my own ability. He has brought me to a regional press conference just before I graduated highschool. But that was still under the Filipino publication. Even so, it was a smooth start, and I bet, God handled me for a warm up right then. He was preparing me for something grander.
Before I entered college, I told myself, I should be in the English publication of our university. I tried hard. Had self study, and had myself equipped with good grammar and excellent understanding of the parts and figures of speech and more.
It took a lot of guts to take the exam. But who would’ve thought, I placed second in the exam, considering that I was the youngest among the examiners. That was the start of all the great accomplishments in my writing career. I graduated college as the editor in chief of our college publication. Who would’ve thought that the aspiring writer in highschool who has got English that she alone understands would be the EIC of the best college, in the most prestigious university in the region? But….
All of these happened when I was not yet a Christian. It was when all credits were given to ME. When all that is good is ME. When all that is gifted is ME. In short, that was the time when my God is MYSELF.
THE EVIDENCES
As I browse my old diaries, I was talking all about me. All me, myself, I. I was so self centered. I almost worship myself. I was so amazed with my own accomplishments. I always give a tap my back everytime I please people. Noone was good, just me. Yeah, I always tried to be good to please people. I never thought of pleasing God at all. I asked myself then, “did I really write all these stuffs?”
I BELIEVE IN GOD.. that’s what I thought before
I had my own prerogatives. I don’t go to church. As I know that it isn’t necessary at all. I believe in God, as I tell other people. I know there’s a God. But the fact is, I just know He’s there while I almost don’t care where He is. It was like, everytime I remember Him, I am the one giving Him a favor. It was like, I am the one capable of giving Him gifts, which include a minute of signing of the cross and that’s all. Remember Cain and Abel. I was more like Cain before, who has just given the leftovers to God. This is because I was someone who prioritized myself and this world. I had focused on earthly things over God.
WHO WOULD’VE THOUGHT, I’LL BE HERE..
I am sitting right here on a stool inside our in-house church, which God has built for his ministry in this place. I am sitting next to a beatbox, keyboard, and e-guitar, which are the instruments that God has allowed me to play. God has given me the talent in music and I believe, it is not my hand but His hands that play. He revealed it to me some weeks ago. The Big hand experience.
I never had any formal music lessons. But God is so mighty to prove that we don’t need the knowledge of this world to understand and receive His gifts. I also sing for God today. And that’s how rich God is. He is so rich that He can give us everything that we can have.
GOD IS INDEED RICH
Months ago, our family business was bankrupt. It was awful. We eat dried fish in breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And before we have coped up from that situation, my mom passed away. Everything then was a nightmare. But God is good.
God gave us the chance. He helped me realize that those things happen for His purpose. And I started accepting that He knows best.
Today, I am earning more or less $450 a month, while working 3-4 hrs a day. I am also receiving monthly allowance from my brother who’s in Saudi right now. God is so rich that He is providing me almost 45,000 PHp a month. Yet, God tells me that I have to be a good steward. All these things are part of the test. Yes, I believe, if we would be good steward on earth, then we will be good steward in heaven. So all the riches that God has given me are all parts of the test.
I AM SO BLESSED, SO DO YOU
God made us all blessed. He is never partial. His way is the greatest. Whatever that we have right now, we must believe that God has the perfect plan out of it. All we need is to have faith in Him.
Remember the rod walker over the falls? He has bridged over the falls just through a firm rod many times. People BELIEVE that he can do it over and over again, and he will never fall. However, when those people who believe in his ability were asked if they can ride on the walker’s back as he crosses the rod, noone wanted to do so. So what does this mean? Believing is not enough!
Believing is agreeing with what our mind says. What we need therefore is FAITH. It is not enough to believe as what we need is FAITH. We need to surrender our life. Faith is about lifting our life to prove that we totally believe. If Jesus was the man crossing the rod, would you have faith that He won’t let you fall down?
I FOUND GOD
It’s 1:19 am and I have told you just little things. I have more to share about Him and His glory. I will never forget how I found Jesus. That was about 10 months ago. As God wakes me up later, I will continue searching for Him. I will never get tired of seeking His face. I will never look back until I see Him.
Goodnight, I mean, good morning. Have a blessed day, and don’t forget to make God smile today!
more of chibi's audio journal @ www.everydaywithchibi.blogspot.com
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